It was one of those days. I had called up almost all of my friends (it’d be helpful to know, here, that I maintain a fairly short list, a single digit is sufficient to count the number, in fact!) and was yearning to meet somebody, anybody. But I was not really able to. And that had started me down a downward spiral of self-loathing, and depression. Most of the times, I can do with little to no contact at all, but there are times, when I actively seek conversation, company. This, was one of those days.
The depression hit hard. It does, usually,
One thing led to the other, and I was contemplating the decisions I had made, decisions which had been made for me, and other things. In fact, I was worrying of things I had no control over! The way past had been. The way future was shaping out to be. And how, it was all so utterly out of my control! And in the middle of this terrible tornado, I had no one, no one to hold my hand, tell me it was fine, it was going to be quite all right, I was going to survive.
The depression hit hard.
And even though I knew that that’s it’s thing. I mean it’s depression, it is defined as “feelings of severe despondency and dejection”. You are supposed to feel down!
And I knew it in advance. And still, I fell for it. Even though I knew the trap had been set, that I was going to fall in this big black hole, I happily walked over and jumped straight on in!
That is exactly how things are with emotions too. All of them.
Happiness, sadness, anger, jealousy, so on, and so forth. We know what these things are. We know what these things do to us, and still, in the heat of the moment, when we actually have to apply this knowledge, things fall through. We just are not able to let go of things.
We are just not able to let go of the emotions.
We are just not able to look at our state, look at the emotion we are feeling, really look at it, say hello to it, and let it go.
Instead, we hang on to it. And then we say things, do things, think things.
That ruins stuff for us. Long, and short term.
I don’t know how to end this. I don’t know why I wrote this. I had thought it would make things clearer, in my head at least. I needed that to explain this philosophy, this theory to somebody I care about. But I am still standing where I was before I had begun this.
I still do not have any idea about the how… how do I let the emotions go?