How do you decide between what you have and what you want?

I talked to my brain today. Really, I did. I have no idea what it said. Gibberish mostly. This was also the first time it had tried that. Gibberish that is, usually its one of the only things in the world that sort of makes any sense. But not this time.
I had something. Something beautiful, gorgeous, serene. Then I lost it. There are choices you make, and then there are those you don’t. The issue with both is you live with the end result. That’s there.
That’s always there.
That is also something I have an issue with. See I am not comfortable with somebody else being in control of my life. I mean it is my life after all isn’t it? And so I blame myself for the shit, which, I also know is a psychosis. Ah, fuck!
So, how do you make a decision which is so skewed on both sides, so unfair that you’ll be broken no matter what you choose. How do you decide?
Maybe, just maybe, you don’t. Maybe you wait long enough for one of the options to slide into utter annihilation. But then again, I don’t do well with the passive-aggressive. It just isn’t my thing. And so, inspite of all, you end up with a decision, a decision you’ll question till the end of time.